Grand Master - Deathwish : The head man. The Chairman of the Board. The big cheese. The guiding light. Gisperts legacy. The GM is not simply a figure head for the hash, rather he personifies the hash’s character (or lack thereof). He leads with a dynamic strength that permeates the fabric of the organization. Both directly, and through his officers, he gives inspiration, direction, and vision to all.
Assistant Grand Master - Panic Button: We have no idea what the Assistant Grand Master is supposed to do, except to do whatever another member of mismanagement doesn't do.
Religious Advisor – Fart Connor: Keepers of the faith. Enforcers of the scriptures. These are the hashers who have seen the light (Bud light) and can taste in their soul the true spirit of Hashing. The Religious Advisor spreads the word and inspires the zest and zeal of the hash in all participants. Any hasher found transgressing the spirit of hashing is disciplined by the RA. They are the keepers of the sacred Laws of Hashing and come up with sufficiently plausible lies to cover any serious questions of propriety of actions within the hash.
Money Launderer – Fuzz Buster: The holder of the purse-strings’-generally unappreciated duties. She must endure the interrogations of those who mistakenly think there is some sort of accounting for hash funds. She manipulates the financial situation to ensure that there is money to fund the debauchery of the hash at Stinko de Mayo and throughout the year. She must also tally the registration forms, collect the hash cash and ensure chaos at the registration table for Stinko de Mayo.
Awards Bitch - Grizzly Schnizz: Scanitly clad, the Awards Bitch stands before the group to give tribute to OLD, decrepit and respected Hashers & Harriettes who in the past have been a great example to new generations of Beer Drinkers with a Running Problem. She is able to recall their greatest achievements in hashing and also ignore the constant bitching of those who lose their mugs and those who think they deserve some kind of recognition just for showing up.
Hashtician/WebMistress – KY: The behind-the-scenes right arm (or left testicle) of mismanagement. She makes sense of sloppily provided, late-in-cumming, partially-completed details and provides information on the web to get the On-Sec more lost, more confused and more pissed off than they would have been without it. She projects the image of the hash on the web to ensure virgins and police have no sense of the debauchery involved.
Hash Cash – She Came: She dashes about the start of each hash begging for money and keeping track of who is there, and who is not. This hearty soul must withstand the whining of the Hares who have overspent and the whimpering of those who forgot their hash cash.
Song Meister – Tour de Puke: Able to remember the lyrics to hash songs, even with a half-mind, the Song Meister assists the hare in chalk-talk and the RA in circle by leading the hashers with a hash note and song that inappropriately ideolizes the spirit of the hasher, recognition or accusation. The Song Meister visits other kennels to promote and spread the song (and legs) of H5.
Hare Raiser – Wild Cherry: He performs selfless acts of kindness to others to ensure there is a hare for every hash. The Hare Raiser IS the hare if he can’t cajole anyone else into doing it.