H5 Events Calendar on your Smartphone

First off… I have heard a number of frustrations about the way that events are listed on h5hash.com. Believe me.. I hear you and I understand. I’ve had some issues with the plugin I had on the website that is limited in what we need it to do. I’ve tweaked and messed with it. So, I said eff it. There has to be an easier way.

So, I’m now embedding a Google Calendar on the page. So people should be more easily see what’s going on. They can go forward and backward. Events won’t disappear after the event begins.

I have the change posted now. Please take a moment and let me know if you see something odd.

What is even cooler with this calendar… if you are an iPhone user (not sure if other smart phones support this but I’m sure you can easily google it or check with your manufacturer)… You can add this calendar to your iphone calendar and you’ll always be up to date.

This also works with applications that support ICAL file format.

Here is the subscribed address for your device:

As far as how do you set this up on the iPhone… here are the directions I blatantly stole off some guys blog…

How to Subscribe to an iCalendar Server/.ICS feed [iPhone]
iCalendar is an older calendar subscription format, and many servers offer .ICS feeds of calendar entries. I particularly love TripIt‘s free travel itinerary service, which is available as an ICS feed. iPhone OS 3.0 also includes iCal as a supported protocol for over-the-air subscription, so you can view your ICS feeds right in your phone calendar. Note that iCalendar is read-only, like an RSS feed, so you cannot create or edit items on the phone.
1. copy this URL

2. ummm…
3. Go back to the home screen and select “Settings”
4. Select “Mail, Contacts, Calendars”
5. Select”Add Account…” under “Accounts”
6. Select “Other” at the bottom
7. Select “Add Subscribed Calendar”
8. Select the “Server” box and tap “Paste”
9. Select “Next”
10. Optionally modify the description


I’d like to thank the fine people at Pong Deck for sending me a set of their Pong Deck cards for our next “serious on-in”. These are pretty cool. It’s a deck of cards that are used to “enhance” the game of Beer Pong. We’ll have to sort out our rules and teams for next event!

Haberdashery Survey

Looking some input on providing some additional haberdashery items to H5. Click the survey button and take two minutes to let me know what you think on these items.


Awards at Chinese New Year Hash

Congratulations to the following wankers that were presented awards at the Chinese New Year Hash:

Hash Hare Awards Patch;

[Milestone 10 Hares]:

  • M’Orrally Challenged
  • She Came)

[Milestone 5 Hares]:

  • Girth Brooks
  • Head First

Hash Run Awards Patch;

[Milestone 250 Hashes]:

  • Deathwish
  • Tour de Puke

[Milestone 150 Hashes]:

  • Tour de Puke

[Milestone 100 Hashes]:

  • Wild Cherry
  • Lunachic
  • She Came

[Milestone 50 Hashes]:

  • Girth Brooks
  • Webelos Scout
  • Flaming Earl Gay

Courtesy Girth Brooks, the awards bastard for H5

Helpful Hints for Planning for Your Hash

Some more thoughts to ponder,
submitted by Holy F*ck (S.H.I.T./Dayton):

Just Do It! A Hasher’s Moral Obligation…

I know it’s an ironic topic for someone named Holy F*ck. Do hashers have any moral obligation to contribute to the hash or is okay to just show up, pay a few $$$, run/walk a cool trail, drink beer, and hang with some cool like-minded folks? I say, “You bet your @ss you do!!!”

I know not all half-minds feel that they have the confidence, ability, or time to lay a trail. I say “You bet your@ss you do!!!”

Some options to consider:

  1. Find a mentor. This should help with confidence issues. Most kennels have hare raisers; they can usually make some good recommendations.
  2. Co-hare. This way you don’t have to be a bad @ss runner.
  3. Pre-lay. Be careful, some kennels will kill you for this. Check with your hare raiser or…keep it a secret.
  4. Relax…haring a trail is probably the simplest problem you have solved since high school and besides, it’s okay to screw up.

There is much more work required to throw a successful hash then laying a good trail. I have seen a lot of “I don’t have to do anything (except be entertained) because I paid my money”. Again, “You bet your @ss you do!”

Some things you can do to contribute:

  1. Be a designated driver…this might be the greatest thing you could do :o)
  2. Offer your car as the bag vehicle. This may require you to stay with your car instead of running the trail.
  3. Volunteer for the brew crew. This may require you to abstain from drinking.
  4. Help pick up trash at the start and end circle. This may require you to take a bag of trash home with you.
  5. Scout cool bars for on-afters or on-on-ons. This may cost a bit but if you’re going to be out getting drunk you might as well call it research.
  6. Participate in mis-management. This may cause you to loose your half-mind.

In closing, I would like to say that not everyone has to contribute to every trail they run or every kennel that they hash with but hashing is a give and take social club.

Please be a giver.
On-On! *Holy F*ck (S.H.I.T./Dayton*)

Tour De Puke’s Guide to Haring

Here is a checklist of things to consider when haring a trail. It’s not the hashing bible or anything, (because the only rule is…there are no rules) but it’s a decent guideline.


I often find locations for trails simply by looking out the window as I’m driving, but you can’t really know what’s in a given area until you go there, get out of your car and scout the trail.

Things to consider:

  • Parking – Is there a place for a large number of vehicles at the beginning of the run? Keep in mind that while waiting for the start and, a bunch of wankers will be milling about and socializing. So, try to stay away from places where it is clearly posted that booze is prohibited, places where our presence will be closely observed, or where there are people likely to get perturbed.
  • Trail – Are we crossing any property where we are likely to be pissing off the owners? Usually commercial properties that are not open for business when we go through are not a problem. Rental residences like apartment complexes are seldom problems either. Individual residences are the sticking point, and if you want to go through one, you must get permission first. Try to avoid places where there are lots of people who might mistake flour for anthrax. Keep off road if at all possible.
  • Checks – Find good places for checks first. Remember that there will be a bunch of folks standing around yelling to the rest of the pack, so try to find places that are far enough off the beaten path so that this won’t arouse any suspicion, but at the same time, you want to make them accessible enough that you aren’t lugging coolers for miles through tough terrain (Fart). I learned this the hard way on my 2nd trail, hauling a cooler up a steep grade and being already exhausted by the start. If it’s a place where we might draw attention, consider making it a shot check. People don’t linger at those as long. This is also an alternative for checks that are far off the roads, because carrying a bottle is much easier than a whole cooler.
  • On-in/after – Try to end the evening somewhere where people who drink a lot have the option of not driving. If you can’t use your home, find somewhere that people can camp or even stay at a motel. Bars can be good, but they cost everyone more, and people can get kicked out (Cause, Bushmonkey, etc.) Not all bars are prepared for H5’s level of revelry or debauchery, so keep that in mind.
  • Scouting – Make sure you run/walk the trail yourself at least once, preferably several times, before the hash, so you can find out if the terrain is really passable, (DFM). Pick a date to hare a month or so in advance so you can tell Sister and have plenty of time to scout. You want to make the trail hard enough that it’s not a cakewalk, but you don’t want people getting hurt, or getting pissed. Remember, we want to get people to come back (especially if they are hot chicks) and having the trail go through a quarter mile of briers is not likely to accomplish this. If you want to do some treacherous terrain, consider having a separate Turkey trail that bypasses the hazards for the less hard core hashers.

The object is to keep the pack together. This means, hose the FRBs, but try to go places where the back of the pack can keep up. Avoid long straightaways, which allow the faster runners to really break away from the slower ones. If you must go a long way in one direction, use lots of checks, and place them so that it really seems plausible that the trail will turn at that point. Double back on yourself frequently so that the back of the pack can shortcut to where the FRB’s are going.


  • Always get enough beverages. (unless we end at a bar) It’s always better to have too much than not enough. It sucks having to go out and get more.
  • If the trail ends pretty far from the start, arrange to have a vehicle at the end to take people to get their cars at the start.
  • Have a bag vehicle to bring everyone’s dry clothes and shoes to the end, and For God’s sake, make sure there’s beverages at the start and beverages and snacks at the end.
  • Stage extra flour along the way so that you don’t run out (Fart).
  • Make sure there’s enough at the beverage checks and plenty of water, especially for warm days. I generally go with the guideline of 1-and-a-half to 2 gallons and 1 liter of water. Usually 20 cups is sufficient, since folks will share.
  • Try to post the hash info as far in advance as possible. If it’s a good trail and date, people will plan around it if they have enough advance notice.
  • When sending directions to the list, try to put tha actual address of the start if it is available. That way, KY can set up a map link on the schedule.
  • Send reminders to the mail list and talk up your trail. Remember, these are half-minds you’re talking to, they’ll believe the hype. (Well, at least the first time. If your first trail sucks they may be more skeptical next time)


Try to come up with a theme for your hash. People get into theme hashes, and if it works out, then you can turn it into an annual event. For instance, the Guy Fawkes hash in November, the Hanukkahash in December, the St. Pat’s hash in March are all looked to with great anticipation, and are always good turnouts. If you can match the beverages to the theme, cool. Some ideas:

  • January- Superbowl
  • February-Valentines day (14th)
  • Mardi Gras (end)
  • March- St. Pat’s (if you want to Co-hare with Tour) or
  • Spring break- anything
  • April- Paul Revere/Patriot’s day (18th)
  • May- we already have Stinko DeMayo, that’s enough
  • June- beach party/D-day, (6th )
  • July- independence day,
  • August- you’re on your own
  • Sept.- Labor day, Rosh HASHannah
  • Oct.- Columbus day, Yom Kippur, Halloween

OK, you get the picture. You can always pick some famous’s birthday too.

Figure on 20-30 people for food purposes, if it’s a special/annual event, then figure 25-35. Once again, it’s always better to have too much than not enough. For snacks,
pretzels, chips, salsa are staples. If you can have food match a theme, great. If not, try to do stuff that doesn’t require much prep. Burgers and dogs are OK, but someone has to cook them. Having cold cuts and rolls for make your own sub bar is something that anyone can deal with and no prep is required. Stew, Chili or something else than can be prepped ahead of time are also options.

Figure out a place where folks can change, shower, or both. Have a place for the circle where spillage and noise isn’t a problem. If you’re at a non-remote location, try to keep folks inside, or alert neighbors to be prepared for noise and weirdness. Having place for folks to crash is good. Don’t be afraid to ask folks to help out. Someone’s always willing.

Have Fun.

What’s in a hash name?

Contributed by Burnt Sox (Mt. Vernon H3) to the internet

I had a vision, a vision of the Hash name in its full glory and honor.

Blessed is the Hash Name. It allows the Hasher to flaunt law, ordinance and custom of society in relative anonymity. It also makes rejection much easier: “Get your tongue off me, Bridle Shower,” is softer on the ego than, “Not on your life, Steve.” All Hash names are honorable, as are most Hashers. There are no rules to Hash names, but as within the Hash, there is a sense of honor.

The most honored of all Hash name is the Gifted. The Gifted name arises from a Hash event involving the Gifted Hasher, and the name itself is funny, yea, one might even say witty. Witness Oar-A-Face, who on her first Hash was hit in the face with an oar by someone trying to make a good impression on her. Note the near intelligence: Oar-A-Face sounds like “orifice.” Witness John Handcock, named in honor of his failure to sign in at the Hash in a futile effort to avoid being named. Witness Amkneesia, who broke her knee during a Hash party but was so drunk she doesn’t remember how. This, it is said, is the type of Hash name to which we all aspire. Unfortunately,it doesn’t happen that often.

Next most honored is the Headliner. The Headliner name reports a Hash incident involving the subject Hasher, but the name lacks cleverness or originality. Witness Slick Slit, who during a Hash party demonstrated that she really does shave. Indeed, witness Burnt Sox,named when he burned his socks in an oven while trying to dry them after a Hash. Yes, the Headliner is noble because it does invoke the Hash, but its stimulus-response derivation separates it from the Gifted.

Next most honored is the Hale-Bopp name, which arises from a special, one-time Hash event that is never to be repeated. These opportunities, when they arise, must be seized upon. Witness Dahmer, named on the day the Hash retired its bulky, coffin-sized beer cooler. And witness Troll, named on a day the trail ended under a bridge. These names are especially honored because someone must be sober and awake enough to notice the special event.

Next most honored is the Speaking in Tongues name. The Speaking in Tongues name arises from an unfortunate statement made on the Hash by the Hasher, a statement unfortunate enough to merit naming. Witness Wide Open, whose Hash was considering naming him. He explained himself and his background, then ended by saying, “If you have any ideas for a Hash name, I’m wide open.” Ten seconds later, he was Wide Open. Similarly, witness Crack Shot, in a discussion of the standard two-person chug, commented that she’d prefer the Rumson one-man method because she trusts her butt more than anyone else’s. Yea, witness Lick It Off, Baby, who, in an unfortunate moment, yelled this phrase when beer was dripping from her vessel. The Speaking in Tongues name is honorable, particularly if it is clever, but in the search for such a name, many a hasher will spend months saying stupid things hoping to convert one to a name.

Observe: it is the rare Hash name that falls into only one category.Witness Crack Shot, who after learning of the Rumson one-man butt chug, commented that she’d prefer that method because she trusts her butt more than anyone else’s. Now, the name arose from what she said on the Hash, but the Hash engaged its collective mind here and went one step further to something witty. This is honorable. Next most honored is the Got a Life name, which arises from a non-Hash related hobby or past time of the Hasher. Witness Pitstop, a fan of auto racing who also has the tiniest bladder on the Hash. Witness Lady Bugger, who plays on an adult soccer team called the Ladybugs. Witness Patio Furniture, who is Irish and stays out all night. The Got a Life name, while it does not arise from the Hash, is nonetheless honored because it shows that someone has been paying enough attention to the Hasher to find out more.

Next most honored is the Plastic Surgery name, which refers to a distinguishing (and, if possible, disfiguring) physical characteristic of the Hasher. Witness Owwwww, who has a stud through his penis, Broken Trojan, reputedly the best-endowed man at Interam ’97, and Sweet Cheeks, the plethora of whom all have sweet cheeks. Witness Heart On, who has a tattoo of a heart on her groin, and Hairy Buddha, who looks not unlike a hairy Buddha. The Plastic Surgery name is honored, but may have to be changed if the Hasherstarts really running or has radical corrective surgery.

Next most honored is the Come at Will name, with the word “come” in it. While it should be the desire of every Hasher not to talk about sex more than having it, for most Hashers talk is about as good as it gets. And so, if someone remarks that she Seldom Cumz, or that he Comes when he(In A)Can, or that she Comes on a Whim, go with the moment.

Note that the reliance on the word “come” makes this name less honored than the true Speaking in Tongues, but the Come at Will is honorable all the same. Witness 7 Minute Blow Job, who unfortunately remarked among a group of Hashers talking about their racing (drink!) times that a 7-minute blow job would be more interesting than a 7-minute mile. Yes, she mentioned sex, but the name is more honored without the word “come.” And so, a heavy reliance on “coming” tarnishes the name, though it is not bad thing in actual sex.

Next most honored is the Name Yo’ Mama Gave Ya, which is based on, asthe name suggests, the name your mother gave you. Witness Stained Sheetz, whose mother’s last name is Sheets, or Kimo-I-Wanna-Lai-Ya, a Hasher of Hawaiian descent whose first name is Kimo. This is also the honor borne by Hashes that do not name, such as the Mother Hash and the D.C. Men’s Hash.

Amid the revelations, a caution: the Happily Ever After name, given to one Hasher based on his or her association with another Hasher.Consider that if the association ends, both parties will certainly keep Hashing. And who wants to go to the Hash to be reminded of that asshole who isn’t making child support payments or the bitch who stole most of my Police CD’s? But I digress, because there can still be honor in the Happily Ever After Name. Witness Legal Tender, the daughter of Blank Check, who came to be named on her eighteenth birthday.

Next most honored is the Fruit of Our Labor (FOOL) name, a name derived from the occupation of the Hasher in real life. (That is,when he or she is not Hashing.) This, like any other name, is honored, but if a name must focus on that which we seek to escape, might I suggest that the naming is premature? Having said that,witness Pocket Scientist, who is a researcher for a space development agency and Rut Ro, who is a special education teacher. If the Hash must bestow a FOOL name, at least make it a clever one.

Next most honored is Barbra Streisand. If the Hash fails to determine a name, it should stop trying, drink more beer, and go home. If the effort persists, however, Barbra Streisand is the universally abhorred fall-back name. But it is a name, nonetheless, and it too is to be honored.

Next most honored is the Dirty Ethnic Slur. This name may amuse those already in the Hash, but in my experience no one has returned to the Hash after receiving the Dirty Ethnic Slur. Witness Short Cunt, a woman who solved the Buffalo H3’s trails but couldn’t figure out the mentality. Witness 7-11, a Hasher of Pakistani descent, who never returned after naming. Consider the possibility of Spic ‘n’ Span, a woman of Ecuadorian descent who refrained from Hashing even though she was named Spanish Thighs in the end. Indeed, the mere spectre of the Dirty Ethnic Slur is powerful enough, and this name, though barely honored, should be used sparingly and only with evil purpose. Having so cautioned, a Hasher’s background can certainly be used for a Plastic Surgery name, but it must be done carefully. Witness White Lightning, a white guy who tried but failed to keep pace with Byte Lightning, a black guy.

In time, Hashers may be renamed, but only with good cause. Thefore most reason is that if the Hasher has paraphernalia personalized with his or her name, it’s a pain in the ass to have to change everything. When renaming, the Hash should seek to advance the name toward a more honored state. Thus, it was honorable to rename Hooked on Forensics(a FOOL name for a Hasher who performed forensic research) to French Toasted(a Gifted name earned when he got so drunk on a Hash pub crawl he started speaking French, to the exclusion of his native English). And it would be honorable to rename Cradle Robber to Episiostomy, in light of his experience at Interam’97. He ran into a tree on Trail and opened a huge gash in his head that was stitched shut by the only doctor available–a gynecologist. In this case, the renaming is most honored and to be encouraged. By the same token ,names that are less honorable should not be substituted for the more honorable.

And so the honor of the Hash Name was revealed to me.

And so it is bestowed upon the Hash.

Running should always be this fun